Friday, 30 November 2012


For an easy read version of Stewart Cree's posts see Nigel's Blog above or follow this link for a full translation
Chortle, Chortle
“Good morning Convener”
Chortle, Chortle
“Is there something about my appearance that’s amusing you Convener?”
“Na, na -  its nae you Nigel.  Mind you, that’s nae tae say that you dinna’ look funny as weel.”
“So what’s funny on this occasion Convener?”
“Weel, I’ve jist come doon frae the cooncil chambers an’ this Movember lot are jist a picture!”
Movember, Convener?”
“Aye, ye ken, there’s a bunch o’ Cooncillors hiv been growin’ moustaches a’ through November.  They’re daein’ it tae support some mannies health initiative - oh bit they look a richt motley crew noo.!”
“Yes, I have seen some rather hirsute upper lips in the Chambers in recent weeks.”
“Hirsute?  It’s like a rogue’s gallery up there.  Ther’s ane o’ them looks like Groucho Marx an’ anither ane looks like Fu Manchu.  Syne ther’s Fermer Giles and a fair impression o’ Adolf Hitler.  I’d an afa’ dae tae tell fa wiz fa.”
“Well I suppose it must be difficult on occasions recognising them in their new guise”
“That’s the pint.  See doon in Westminster, fin the Speaker invites an MP tae address Parliament, he says, “The Chair recognises the Right Honourable Member” Well I felt like sayin’ - I dinna recognise ony o’ you lot.  An’ the Chief Executive telt ma I would be oot o’ order tae say  - ‘A richt Fu Manchu, fit hiv you got tae say’.”
“Yes Convener, but it is for a very good cause.”
“Oh I ken that.  Far too mony macho mannies are ignorin’ their health an’ nae takin’ responsibility fir lookin’ efter ‘emsels.  So, maybe haein’ a shufty at that lot ‘ill be jist the shock they need tae bring them tae their senses.”
“Quite so Convener, but I notice that you haven’t joined them in their tonsorial celebration.”
“Tonsorial?  I hid ma tonsils oot fan I wiz a bairn, fit’s ‘at got tae dae wi’ it?”
“No Convener, in this context tonsorial means hair grooming.”
“Weel, I’m nae growin’ anither moustache.  I hid the last ane fir damn near forty ‘ear an’ that wiz lang eneugh.”
“So why did you remove it Convener?”
“Weel, I grew it fin I wiz a young bobby.  I thocht it made ma look aall’er, an’ that it added tae ma gravitas.  Ye see – ye need a bit a gravitas -  fin ye’r dealin’ wi hardened criminals!”
“Hardened criminals Convener?  I thought you were a country bobby”.
“That’s richt! - I wiz.  I wiz the scourge o’ Banff and Buchan.  See onytime there wiz dogs attacking livestock?  I wiz yer man!”
“Oh, I understand Convener -sheep worrying
“Oh a’ the time, they were jist on the edge o’ their seats - fair frettin’!”
“So Convener, if you grew the moustache to make you look older, why did you shave it off?”.
“Nigel - get a grip.  Tak’ a guid look at my fizzog.  Dae ye really think I need onythin’ nooadays tae mak’ ma look aller?”
“Point taken Convener.”
“Na, I’ll nae be growin’ anither moustache - but I will be lendin’ the loons ma moral support, an’ maybe pittin’ a bit o’ siller intae their collection.”
“Collection Convener?”
“Oh aye, they’re raisin’ money for men’s health charities wi’ this lark and onybidy that wint’s tae gie a donation can go ontae the Interweb thingy and pledge their support.  An’ jist for us Cooncillors - there’s a wee collectin’ boxie ben the hoose.  In fact, I think a’ll awa ben and pit simthin in it iv’noo.  For a’m weel kent as a generous contributor!”
“Quite so Convener”
“Wait a mintie tho’……….. hiv’ ye got change o’ 50p?”
“Oh Convener !”

There’s still time to contribute to the Team Moray’s Movember efforts and help raise awareness of men’s health issues.  All donations will go to men’s health charities – in particular testicular and prostate cancers.
Click on this link to donate.

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